


Pulse

by TronKon



Category: DCU
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-31
Updated: 2012-05-31
Packaged: 2017-11-06 10:11:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/417660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TronKon/pseuds/TronKon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Tim dies saving the world, Conner drifts. He doesn’t understand how Tim could just be gone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Timothy Drake-Wayne died on a Wednesday. 

He died saving the world. 

There’s a lot of crap people say, Conner reflected. About how sometimes you just know. Sometimes you have a bond so deep with someone that when they are in trouble, it calls out to you.

That wasn’t how it was. 

Sure, of course Conner knew. He was there. He didn’t see it. But he was there.

He heard it though. He heard the rapid- too quick- too fast hammering hammering hammering of Tim’s heart beating a rhythm into his chest. Panic, adrenaline. More than panic. More than adrenaline. It was the sound of hummingbird wings frantic and final. A last burst of energy before the inevitable still. 

Conner heard the silence. And like a child he hadn’t understood what it meant. Like a child he called to Tim through the com. Like nothing was wrong.

“Hey RR- need some back up over there?” 

Tim had never asked for help. 

It had been too fast.

____________

They won. 

But Conner didn’t feel that way. There was stillness. Silence. Too still. Too silent.

Everyone was quiet. 

Everyone looked at him. Like they were expecting something.

Like he was going to break.

But Conner didn’t break because Conner was still confused. It wasn’t something that could be real. 

Tim had pulled a lot of tricks before. There was obviously some tactical advantage to the world thinking he was gone. A trick for Ra’s, a trick to help Superman with Lex Luthor. 

Conner had never had a poker face. He understood why Tim wouldn’t let him in on it.  
He wasn’t hurt.

____________

The Bats grieved. 

Conner thought they were pretty good at making it authentic. Robin was shuttered and brittle. More shuttered and more brittle than usual. But he never talked. He never talked about Tim. Not even in death did he seem willing to give Tim the honour of a hero. Not that Conner saw.

Batman didn’t believe in anyone anymore. Conner could understand that. Besides Superman, Tim was someone you believed in. Impossibly and earnestly. Tim never let anyone down. 

If Tim could fail, anyone could fail. 

It was convincing.

Nightwing was the only one who cried. He cried with a shocking violence that mirrored Tim’s death. He cried like a child who didn’t understand.

He cried like Conner should have.

Red Hood killed more people then was usual. Even for him.

The Bats grieved.

____________

But Conner looked. 

A world without Tim was impossible. A non entity. Something that shouldn’t exist. 

For a year Conner looked.

At the end of the year he admitted that maybe he wasn’t even looking for Tim anymore. 

His heart throbbed, twisting him and hurting him.

Maybe he was just looking for a piece of Tim.

__________

Conner still had pieces. But not the kind of pieces he wanted. 

Conner still had all his pictures. Pictures with Tim. In costume, out of costume. Hanging out with the Titans. Hanging out just them.

Conner even had a small collection of clothes that had belonged to Tim.

Tim hadn’t left them behind. Tim didn’t do mundane things like forget personal items.

Tim had brought them to be left. It was logical to have a few items stashed at Conner’s. He never knew if he’d need something, end up spending the night. So he’d left these things.

Sometimes Conner opened the closet and stared at Tim’s little space there. 

He checked the hangers to see if they’d been moved or reorganized. 

They never were.

______________

Conner heard Tim’s heartbeat. 

It fluttered and swelled and stabilized and beat strong and alive and there.

Conner felt his own heart beating for the first time since Tim had died.

He flew.

___________

She was small. 

Her fingers clutched a toy- a stuffed animal. 

She stared.

Conner’s hands dropped to his side and his shoulders hunched. 

Tim’s heartbeat was coming from this.

It was a little girl and she’d stolen Tim’s heart.

But her eyes were Tim’s and her heart was Tim’s.

She was Tim’s.

And Conner cried.

___________

Conner had never wanted something so much before. He’d never wanted something with such ferocity that failure was not an option.

He’d never wanted something so badly as he’d wanted the little girl with Tim’s heart. The little girl who lived with a foster family. 

The little girl who didn’t have any parents. 

Conner didn’t tell anyone about the little girl. Maybe they already knew. But Conner didn’t want to tell anyone because he didn’t want them to stop him.

Conner made his apartment a home. Conner started cleaning up after himself in earnest. 

Conner worked to make himself a suitable guardian. 

A suitable parent.

And Conner cried like he should have cried a year ago. He cried for Tim. He cried for not having Tim.

He cried for letting Tim die and not saving him.

He cried because he loved Tim. 

He loved Tim and Tim would never know.

__________

She perched on Conner’s arm like a bird. Conner could appreciate the irony. 

She was feather light like a hollow boned creature and her little legs dangled and kicked.

She was a quiet kid, Tim’s eyes looking around at everything. Observing before commenting.

Her hair was gold and bright like the sun. She looked like Tim, but she also looked like Batgirl.

Conner wondered if Tim had ever known.

He probably hadn’t.

It was stupid. It was so stupid and made Conner feel like he was the child.

But he named her Tim. 

Tim Kent.

TK.

__________

Before TK Conner hadn’t bothered to think about girls versus boys. 

Now it was all he thought about. 

Conner didn’t think she was weak because she was a girl. He didn’t think she needed extra coddling or explaining or protecting. But he was starting to realize the rest of the world didn’t think that way. 

Conner didn’t know how to protect her from the world’s expectation that she wasn’t capable. 

And she didn’t understand all that stuff yet. 

She swung off his arms and screamed with joy when he tossed her. 

He took her flying and all she knew was happiness. 

She didn’t know hurt or pain or anything but their little family.

Conner was her father.

These days, thinking about Tim didn’t hurt so much.

But pain still throbbed when he wondered, if this was what Tim would have wanted for his daughter. 

____________

Conner talked about Tim. When it didn’t hurt too much. 

He pulled out his pictures and told TK stories.

Sometimes he talked about how her Dad was a hero. 

But mostly he just talked about how he was Tim. And how they were best friends.

And sometimes, because she was small and wouldn’t stare at him like there was something wrong with him, he’d talk about how he’d loved Tim, and how sad he was he was gone.

“Baby girl, baby bird- when you love someone you gotta let them know. Like how I tell you I love you every day. Even if you think they know, tell them anyway. Promise me.”

TK had promised.

The next morning when she’d woken up, she’d smiled and rubbed the sleep from her blue eyes.

“Good morning Daddy. I love you.”

_____________

Conner had taken a break. He’d taken a break from world saving and that break had lasted for two years.

He didn’t tell anyone why. They didn’t ask. They seemed to think it was a long time coming, for Conner to fall apart.

When TK was five Conner had to admit that she couldn’t be his secret anymore. 

They’d been together, they’d been a family, but now TK was five whole years old and she needed to start being a part of the world, and Conner was at a loss. 

Conner had never been a child like TK was- he’d sprung fully formed from the tube. He didn’t know anything about how to give her the best advantage out there. She was human and she wasn’t invulnerable and she needed weapons. She needed a sharp mind and wit and knowledge to navigate life and Conner didn’t know what the best way to get that was. He’d just had what he needed implanted, and learned the rest on the way.

There was really only one person Conner could go to with this.

He packed TK’s overnight night bag and dropped a kiss on her forehead before scooping her up in his arms. He shouldered her little red backpack. It had cartoon characters from shows she loved, bright and playful and smiling. A long time ago Conner would have felt lame carrying something so childish.

But he loved TK. He loved her with all his heart and her tiny silly childish things and holding them- somehow Conner felt like they were pieces of proof for the world to see. 

“Baby girl, we’re going to go see your Grandpa for a few days.”

Conner didn’t really know how to explain more then that.

__________

Conner stood on the doorstep of Wayne manor and tried not to look as scared as he was feeling. 

TK perched in his arms like the little bird she was as they waited. Heavy chimes rang all throughout the massive house. She had a small kinetic puzzle in her hands. Conner had bought it for her because she was smart like Tim and Tim had always loved puzzles. 

It seemed like TK loved puzzles too. 

Maybe Conner could have gone to Ma or Clark. But Ma was getting on in the years and as much as Clark had stepped up, he hadn’t raised the kind of kid that TK was. TK wasn’t meant for a Kansas state college and a job pushing paper. She was only five but the Tim in her was strong. She might even already be better with their little computer then Conner was.

Not that that was hard.

She needed more then what that life could give her. Conner only knew one person who knew what it was like to raise a kid like that. To raise a kid like TK and Tim. 

The door swung open and Robin stood there in a polo and chinos. 

His eyes widened the slightest bit as his eyes darted to TK staring serenely from her place tucked against Conner’s chest.

Robin disappeared into the mansion, bidding Conner tersely to follow.

Conner thought maybe he should have called ahead.

_________

Batman hadn’t seemed to know what to feel at first. Conner had always been intimidated by the leader of the justice league but he knew with TK he couldn’t be scared to ask for what she needed. So while Batman was quiet Conner had laid it out.

He needed to know how to help his daughter. He needed to know what the best environment and schools for her were. He would pay for anything she needed. He’d become the next Booster Gold if he had to, but he needed to know what she needed to give it to her. 

Conner wasn’t stupid, but he wasn’t smart in the way these bats were. They were subterfuge and twenty languages and wit and clever and contingency plans and just like with Tim Conner saw that in TK. He saw it and he was awed by it but it wasn’t something he could touch. He could touch the human parts of her. The parts that needed love and fun and kindness, but this part was somewhere Conner couldn’t go.

But when Tim went there he’d had the Bats.

He knew that TK needed them too.

Batman had accepted what Conner knew was the truth. He tried not to look but Conner could see him staring, with the three of them in that expansive office. Conner knew he saw Tim’s eyes, he knew he saw how she watched things like Tim did. He couldn’t hear her heart though, the heart that was Tim’s. 

Conner didn’t talk about those things. He just said thank you.

________

They loved her. Conner wasn’t blind, and he wasn’t surprised. TK was easy to love. Especially if you had loved Tim first.

When Nightwing saw TK Conner had literally heard the man’s heart stutter and skip. 

Conner didn’t have to imagine how it felt to look at TK for the first time so he could only sympathize.

But Nightwing- 

“Conner please, call me Dick. This makes us family now.”

Nightwing loved her before he even knew her. He fell in love with her on the spot and watching them together made Conner’s heart throb until it hurt.

But he wasn’t jealous. He was happy. 

Dick taught her tumbling and TK loved it. 

TK had always loved when Conner took her flying. 

Dick taught her to fly on her own.

_________

Batman read to Conner’s daughter. To Tim’s daughter.

He had a good voice for reading and sometimes he did the voices- but never when he knew Conner was listening. Sometimes Batman did the voices though and it was just for TK. 

TK would clap her hands, eyes alight with joy.

No one did better voices then Batman. Batman was a thousand different people, he had a closet with a thousand different disguises and he transformed his voice with effortless practice. 

It was cute how it was like he put on plays for her.

_________

Robin was most surprising.

But at the same time almost not. 

Conner had thought Robin would at the very best ignore her. 

But Conner had to admit sheepishly that maybe he hadn’t known Robin at all. He’d assumed Robin would ignore her because she was a girl and that would make her weak.

He hadn’t really known how Robin worked. How Robin was perfect for TK. How Robin was that frustrating part of her life that Conner was missing and couldn’t fill.

Robin knew what it was like for the world to expect weakness of him. Robin knew how to expertly turn that into a tactical advantage. Robin was the son of one of the most powerful awe inspiring women on the planet. He understood better than most how girls needed to work twice as much for the same amount of respect a guy would just be handed.

He taught TK how to make it her strength instead of being frustrated by it.

And the years passed this way.

___________

When TK was seventeen, Conner reflected.

TK was beautiful and smart and strong. She was an amalgamation of everything Conner had made sure she had in her life. She was Dick’s Circus, she was Bruce’s smooth intelligence, she was Damian’s little secret assassin. (Though she never actually killed anyone). She was Conner’s little baby girl and Tim’s mark on the world. 

And though Conner hadn’t known her very well, she was also Batgirl’s- Stephanie’s legacy. 

She was Tim’s heartbeat flying through Gotham, using Dick’s tumbles and Oracle’s tech and Damian’s sass. 

Sometimes she was even a little Jason. A little ruthless.

But Conner would come home from saving the world. To their modest sized apartment. TK would have been up late like every night, holoscreen up doing her homework for school the next day.

Conner would walk in and she’d look up, blue eyes crinkling at the corners as she smiled.

“Good morning Dad.”

Conner would smile back, no matter how tired.

“Morning Baby Girl.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Conner was her father. Even though these days he looked more like her brother.

He loved her so much it hurt.

She was perfect. She was perfect in every way.

Conner’s heart throbbed.

He wished Tim knew her. 

He wished Tim knew her every day.

__________

 

Conner was distracted.

“Dad, I love you.” 

Sometimes TK started conversations with compliments. Conner by now knew that that was never a good sign. 

He sighed and put the folder he was flipping through aside. It was a mission briefing. Conner worked with the Titans a lot these days. But it was mostly in a mentoring role.

The new generation was pretty impressive.

He looked at his daughter.

“But-?”

Her mouth quirked in a smirk- a Tim smirk.

“Dad, I want you to be happy. And I feel like- “ her breath huffed softly and her shoulders hunched. “I feel like you won’t let yourself love anyone and- I’m not always going to be around. I’m going to move out eventually and I don’t want you to be by yourself. I don’t want you to wake up even one day without someone telling you they love you. I know you loved Red Robin- my Father. I know when you say that uncle Dick shrugs and everyone else just takes it for fact because you were best friends. But I know you were in love with him and without him it hurts and maybe seeing me hurts every day but you have to start again. You have to love someone again. Because I love you Dad and you deserve everything I can’t do for you no matter how much I want to.” 

TK normally didn’t talk this much. Except when she was very serious about something. Conner’s heart twisted painfully.

“Baby Girl, it’s not that easy.”

“No. No, it’s probably the hardest thing you’re ever going to do Dad. But you have to.”

Conner didn’t have the heart to say what he was thinking.

He’d already let Tim die once.

He couldn’t do it again.

__________

Sometimes, TK patrolled, and she asked Conner to help somehow. 

Conner was always happy to help. She didn’t really need him, but it was just nice to spend time together.

TK knew how to handle herself. There were parts of her life she kept to herself these days. 

Sometimes Conner suspected she had someone else she loved now. He was patient enough to wait for her to tell him about it.

But his daughter never screamed for him. She never screamed sounding terrified and desperate when she was out on patrol as Batgirl. 

It was a Monday when Conner heard her voice hundreds of miles away.

And he heard her heart fluttering like a desperate bird.

Twice.

Conner heard her heart beat twice at the same time.

He didn’t know what to think. 

He just flew.


	2. Chapter 2

Conner didn’t think the world was all that fair sometimes.

It wasn’t something he thought of often, life being fair. But sometimes. Sometimes life just didn’t have his back.

This was what he thought when he flew to his daughter. This was what he thought when he hung in the air, incapable of registering. 

No one was fighting, but TK’s heart had sounded like it was running a marathon. 

Her twin heart beat just the same. 

His eyes took it in but it was like all that time ago and Conner was a child who didn’t understand. A bo staff and red and black. TK’s eyes.

Tim’s eyes.

Tim. 

Conner didn’t break. 

But for the first time in a long time, he felt like he might.

__________

Conner wasn’t ashamed of TK. 

But he didn’t talk to Tim about her like he talked to her about him.

When Conner had shown up, Tim had looked at him like a man dying of thirst and silently Conner’s eyes had said I know.

But this Tim wasn’t his Tim. He wasn’t his and Conner didn’t know why but he felt a bit bitter for that. 

This Tim needed to go back to a home that still needed Red Robin, and he would leave when he found the right off route.

He stayed at the manor and Conner stayed mostly away. 

But at home, in his and TK’s modest apartment, before Conner went to sleep at night he closed his eyes, and listened. 

The sound of Tim’s heart was like a balm.

_________

Tim was young. 

Tim stood at Conner’s door and looked young in a pair of slacks and a sweatshirt. 

Tim looked terse and uncertain and after all this time Conner could tell when he was over analyzing things. 

Tim wavered in the doorway and Conner wavered at the door.

It was Tim who broke first.

“Kon, Please.”

No one had called Conner Kon since Tim. No one had dared.

Conner broke second. 

It hurt. But it was necessary. Conner’s heart was breaking in two but it was beating. 

It beat faster when Tim held him, and Conner didn’t have enough words for it.

“Tim.”

__________

They didn’t touch but they sat close together.

Conner let Tim talk. 

And Tim had so much to say. All of it was important.

Tim didn’t talk a lot unless it was important. 

Tim was like TK that way.

TK drifted home and out and Conner almost didn’t see her. It was hard to see her when she didn’t want to be seen. 

Conner felt the rotation of the earth. He felt like days passed with Tim curled on one side of the couch and Conner spread out on the other. But it didn’t stop Tim from talking, and it didn’t stop Conner from wanting to hear.

Conner was dead. Conner had died saving the world. 

Tim said he’d died on a Wednesday.

Conner’s heart lurched.

__________

It was quiet when Tim was done.

Conner looked at him. He just looked and Tim looked back. He looked back like he’d never been able to in pictures and videos. He was aware and alive. And it wasn’t fair.

Conner said how it wasn’t fair. 

Conner never stopped needing Tim. Tim needed Conner. But Conner’s Tim was gone and Tim’s Conner had died. 

It really wasn’t fair. It was life and it wasn’t fair.

__________

They ate and Conner still hadn’t talked. 

Almost twenty years and Conner didn’t know how to start.

It would have to start with I love you. 

And Conner didn’t know how fair that was. To start like that. So he ate and Tim looked at him like he was dying again, but also like he knew what Conner was thinking. It seemed like Tim always knew what he was thinking, and Conner had forgotten how Tim always knew like that. 

“So-“ Tim’s voice was tight and a little small, like he was afraid of something Conner would say or do. “Batgirl- she’s- you’re her-“ Tim didn’t seem to be able to finish. 

It wasn’t very often Tim wasn’t able to say what he meant. It was Conner who stumbled around the edges of things, trying to string together the words to shape what he thought. But Tim didn’t have the words for this, for TK. For Conner and TK and Tim and Steph and everything. 

“- I’m her Dad. I adopted her.” Somehow these words weren’t as hard and sharp as they felt in Conner’s chest. 

Tim’s face was a battleground. Emotions warring against each other for dominance. Conner waited.

Tim settled on sombre. “In this universe, you must have cared about Steph- you must have cared about her a lot. To raise her baby.” 

“Oh Tim.” Conner pulled his legs up onto the couch, mirroring Tim and peering at him over their knees. 

Tim was like a statue and his eyes were sad.

“I didn’t raise Steph’s baby. I raised yours.”

Tim looked at him and Conner could see the sudden surge of something. Of wanting. Of everything, and Conner knew what he’d said. But he also knew what Tim heard.

Tim heard I love you. 

And Conner couldn’t correct the truth.

_________

Tim had been there for three weeks, and was still looking for a way home.

He didn’t stay at the manor anymore. 

The apartment didn’t feel too crowded with all three of them, and Conner’s favourite thing in the world was listening to Tim and TK talk. TK and Tim always surprised each other by how similar they were. Conner liked watching the expressions on their faces even if he couldn’t really follow the more complex topics they tended to favour.

Conner wondered if maybe he should feel jealous sometimes. Of Tim and TK and TK and Tim and how Tim was supposed to be her Dad and how Conner was just the replacement and maybe Conner should feel angry or not good enough.

Conner didn’t feel any of those things. 

When Tim helped Conner set the table or do the cooking for dinner- their hands would brush.

Conner was happy.

________

After Tim had been there for a month and a half, he found Conner’s closet. He found the tiny part of the closet where his clothes still hung. 

Where his clothes had hung for over a decade and Conner didn’t have anything to say about it that wasn’t sad, so he didn’t say anything. 

The next morning, the hangers weren’t in the order they’d been in before.

Tim had reorganized.

_________

Tim told Conner he didn’t want to fall behind. So he asked Conner to take him along sometimes, on those world saving expeditions.

Conner almost said no.

Because the truth was he couldn’t let two Tims get killed.

But Conner couldn’t say no and Tim would overrun his sentimentality with his logic even if he did.

And the Titans could learn a lot from Tim.

Conner agreed in the end.

And fighting next to Tim again was one more thing to be happy about.

It was something to cherish.

_________

It was four months that Tim had been staying with Conner and things felt right.

It was four months and Conner woke up in the morning and he felt like they were a family. 

At dinner Tim helped set out the dishes and this time when their hands brushed, Conner slid their palms together.

He laced their fingers and said nothing at all.

Tim’s heart was like a bird in his chest,

But they both held on.

______  
After six months, Conner realized he’d done something awful.

Well, TK told him he’d done something awful.

Years and years ago when TK was still small and quiet and wide eyed Conner had made rules for their home. 

Conner had broken them. He’d broken them every day since Tim had shown up.

He’d made the rules for a reason. A good reason. 

“Baby girl, baby bird- when you love someone you gotta let them know. Like how I tell you I love you every day. Even if you think they know, tell them anyway. Promise me.”

Tim probably did know. 

He probably saw it in the way their hands folded together, in the way when he was in the room Conner couldn’t look at anything else. 

There wasn’t any excuse. 

Tim could be gone again, Tomorrow, the next day- tonight.

There weren’t any excuses.

________

When Conner told Tim he loved him, it was seven months and counting.

After Conner had decided to do it, it became hard not to let it slip out by accident.

Conner had been a father almost longer then he hadn’t, and fathers needed to learn things to take care of their kids.

Conner had had to learn how to cook. 

It was probably something he would have used a long time ago, to impress girls. But as it was he didn’t think about it too much. TK seemed to like the food he made for her. And that was all that really mattered.

Conner had always thought he was probably passable as a cook. And sometimes it was fun to try out new things in the kitchen. He had a few recipes that were both his and TK’s favourite comfort foods.

Tonight dinner was pasta and salad. The pasta was an old, old recipe Conner had been making for TK since she was very small, and he was very bad at cooking. 

Tim seemed to like it just as much as TK did. 

TK was out patrolling early and Tim sat across from him.

Conner loved how Tim’s eyes widened when he ate the first bite. 

He loved how his eyes narrowed in pleasure at the second.

And Conner loved the soft sigh Tim made at the third.

“I love this stuff-“ Tim had said. He’d cleaned his plate and reached for seconds.

Conner had smiled and let him, leaning back in his chair to watch before he responded.

“And I love you.”

Tim’s eyes had widened. 

Then Tim’s eyes had narrowed.

And then Tim had sighed.

They reached across the table at the same time.

Tim’s fingers felt comfortable laced between his.

Conner’s heart raced.

_________

It was strangely enough, Dick who sensed the shift in balance. 

Conner didn’t bother to wonder how bats did things like that anymore. They just knew and Conner accepted it.

Dick had shown up at his doorstep and carded a hand through his hair and made jokes to get past the door and on to the couch before he talked about why he was really there.

“Tim’s going to leave you know, Conner. Eventually he’ll leave. I’m afraid you aren’t going to be able to handle that.”

Dick’s face was earnest. Dick’s face was worried. 

After all this time what he’d said all those years ago was true. 

They were all family.

Conner sat in the chair across from him and offered him a drink. 

“I know.” Conner did know. Sometimes it was all he thought about.

“I know I can’t keep him forever- he’ll go back. He will. But I won’t spend twenty more years like this Dick, regretting. Wishing I’d said all I wanted to say. Just because he’s not this Tim doesn’t mean he isn’t Tim and even if destiny or whatever pulls us apart He’ll know forever now, that I loved him. The universe doesn’t give us rewards or presents for resisting the things we want when they’re right in front of us. I want him, I love him. I have to do this now because I can’t do this later.” Conner felt like his words were a jumbled mess. A broken jumbled mess that couldn’t explain what he was feeling. 

Dick sipped his drink and his shoulders were hunched and Conner felt bad for him. 

But he’d started and he couldn’t stop.

Conner thought maybe Dick understood that. 

And maybe Dick had wanted to make sure that Conner understood it too.

______

It was a year and Tim was going with Conner to help TK move into her new apartment.

TK was smart like Tim and all the colleges and Universities had scrambled to offer her a place in their prestigious hallways.

TK loved to learn and it had been hard for her to choose just one thing to start with but Tim had talked her through it and they’d settled on Quantum Mechanics.

Conner thought it was fitting she’d study the scientific principal that had made her meeting Tim possible.

His chest had swelled with pride.

But the best school was in Metropolis. Far away from Gotham and Batgirl. From their modest apartment with all its memories.

TK needed to start her own life.

And Clark would take care of her. She hadn’t spent a lot of time with the other side of the family, and Conner thought it would do some good, maybe. For Clark a bit more then TK.

Conner and Tim moved her mattress between them and Conner didn’t even use any TTK so it was completely authentic. Clark was helping and it had gone by very quickly.

Now Tim and Conner and TK and Clark stood in a circle and they stared awkwardly because there was nothing left to do.

TK asked if they should order pizza.

Conner was grateful for just a few more minutes.

______

It was a year and two months and Conner and Tim slept in the same bed most nights now.

When Conner woke up in the mornings his legs were tangled in sheets and Tim was tangled around him.

He never got used to it. It was always a sweet aching thing and he’d ghost his fingers over Tim’s shoulder tucked near his chest.

But Conner missed TK.

He missed her but she wasn’t dead or gone or never coming home, so the way he missed her wasn’t the same as the way he’d missed Tim.

But he missed their breakfast mornings and their good mornings and I love yous. 

Conner sometimes called in the morning and TK didn’t seem to begrudge him that.

But other than missing how things were terribly, Conner was good. Things felt right even if parts were sad.

Conner and Tim were happy.

Tim still looked for a way home.

________

Conner and Tim visited TK at school sometimes. 

It was kind of difficult to explain their relationship to her school friends. TK and Tim and Conner looked almost the same age now. 

She settled for best friends. 

Conner didn’t feel like that was a lie.

Even though she didn’t need it, he’d slip a couple twenties into her hand before waving goodbye.

Conner was pretty sure Tim slipped her a couple more.

________

And Conner and Tim were happy.

They were happy for a while.

_________

After two years Tim came into the bedroom for the night and Conner didn’t like the look on his face.

Tim had a tightness around his mouth or eyes that Conner recognized as bad news. 

Conner sat up and waited for Tim to speak.

Tim spoke and like a child Conner almost didn’t understand.

Tim was going home.

________

Tim was going home in seven days and Conner had been trying to figure out the right way to handle it.

There was an overwhelming part that wanted to hide until Tim was gone, like it wouldn’t hurt as much if he got used to being without him now.

But there were more regrets then benefits to that plan.

Tim had a lot of preparing to do.

He was at the manor a lot, collecting tech and information he thought might help in his reality.

While Tim was working, Conner went to Metropolis.

TK should probably know.

________

The silence between them was long before TK spoke. 

She’d made hot chocolate for them and they sat in her living room and they were quiet.

Tim was leaving like Conner knew he would eventually and TK had to know he would too. 

TK took another sip of her drink and then she spoke. “You should go with him.”

Conner frowned.

She went on. “He can’t ask you to give this all up, to leave here. He wouldn’t. But you can offer to. You can make it your choice and he can accept that.”

Conner shook his head. “I can’t- I can’t leave everything. I can’t leave you behind, what if you need me, what if you want to talk to me, what if I want to talk to you?”

TK’s smile was sad.

“But I don’t need you, Dad. Isn’t that the way it’s supposed to be, when you raise a kid? When you raise a child, it’s in the hope that one day they’ll be able to take care of themselves and not need you. That’s how you know you did it right. I may want you around, I may miss you, but I don’t need you. Not really. I love you, I love you. I love you more then I want you to be around all the time. I love you enough to want you to have a second chance at it- at Father, at love, at life. So please think about it. At least.”

Conner’s heart beat a frenetic pattern in his throat. 

His eyes stung.

_______

Conner didn’t want Tim to leave.

But it wasn’t fair to ask him to stay. Just like how TK had said it wasn’t fair for Tim to ask him to go.

But Conner still thought it over. 

For five days Conner thought it over.

He wanted to be with Tim.

________

Tim hadn’t said anything when Conner asked. 

He’d just thrown his arms around him and buried his face in his chest and breathed. 

Conner rested his chin on Tim’s head and closed his eyes.

Conner wondered if this was what life was about. Giving up things you loved for things you loved.

If it was just about sacrifice and nothing else.

________

Conner held some of Tim’s bags. 

He didn’t have many of his own. Just two stuffed with pictures and data cards stuffed with videos.

Things to remember.

Conner needed the pieces of this in case he forgot.

Everyone was there to say goodbye. Clark and Dick and Bruce and Damian and all the new Titans. TK.

Everyone who mattered.

Looking at everyone who would miss him when he left made Conner happy and sad at the same time.

It was nice to think he’d made enough of a difference to be missed.

When he hugged TK, when they hugged each other, it lingered longest. The edges of her eyes were pink although they were dry.

He whispered the last I love you.

She whispered it back.

______

Time moved more slowly in Tim’s universe.

It had been two years but in Tim’s reality, it had only been six months.

When Conner and Tim got there, Tim’s eyes had softened in the pleasure of recognition and he’d tangled his hand in Conner’s as they started towards the heart of Gotham, towards Bruce’s- Batman’s house. 

They were stopped along the way.

Conner felt like he was looking in a mirror.

Tim’s Conner had come back.

Conner could hear Tim’s heart fluttering like a bird.

But he didn’t let go of his hand.

And Conner didn’t let go of his.

______

Time passed. 

It was hard at first. Conner felt guilty sometimes.

The way the other Conner, Tim’s Conner looked at him he felt like he’d stolen something. He felt like he’d stolen both their chances to be happy together.

Tim could tell it was bothering him. Tim could always tell.

“You aren’t the same people.” Tim had told him once, folded up in bed beside him. 

“I love him. I will always love him. He’s my best friend. But we had two years together and I fell in love with you.”

And Tim and Conner were happy even if it was awkward sometimes.

Eventually once everyone got past the strangeness, Tim’s Conner was happy for them.

There was no TK here, but Conner thought, as the years passed that way- that maybe they were all a family anyway.

He put all the pictures he could up. All around their modest apartment.

And they all made new memories.

_______

Years passed. 

They passed too quickly. Happiness was that way sometimes.

Heroes fell. New ones appeared and eventually Conner looked around and realized that everything he’d cherished was gone. Everything he’d loved was obsolete and forgotten.

He lost Tim again and it hurt. It made his chest ache.

But there were no regrets this time.

They’d loved each other.

The years crawled by and eventually Conner found comfort in the most unlikely of places.

When Tim’s Conner’s hand slid into his, he’d been surprised.

But they understood each other. They mirrored each other’s sadness and regrets and longings and hopes.

And maybe they would be happy. Even with the shadow of Tim between them.

Forever was a long time to be alone, after all.


End file.
